Vast Active Library and Information Science blog. From a recent library science graduate in Wellington, New Zealand. A focus on reference and current awareness tools and issues, especially free, web-based resources.

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Saturday, June 14, 2003
(personal) Depression - still a bitch (official)  
Not feeling like a 100% happy camper this past week...took a day off midweek 'sick', but basically because I couldn't face going into work. Given that I do have depression, I suppose that's legitimate. But I still feel guilty for some reason. I guess reading Prozac Nation probably wasn't the greatest idea at the moment. Wurtzel's a great writer though, really captures the feeling of depression. My hero (David Foster Wallace) manages the same thing in Infinite Jest although at about 1100 pages that's not light reading. Though it reminds me, I really need to buy a new copy, I gave mine away when I came back to New Zealand from London. And now the good news, putting in that Amazon link alerted me that Wallace has a new book coming out, and to the study guide to Infinite Jest, which is probably worth a moment of my time.

Back to depression: my problem (and Mary feels the same) is the constant feeling that I don't belong somewhere, that people don't really want me around, coupled with the feeling that they couldn't possibly really like me. Now on a cognitive level I'm aware that that's just a simple effect of depression. But on an affective level I can't convince myself of it. So I've been cutting and running whenever someone shows an interest in my company. Ho hum. At least the prozac is keeping me somewhat straight. And I signed up for therapy via student counselling (one more benefit of being a student, since how could I afford it otherwise?)


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